The Common Wealth of Nakedness

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge tonight leave the Solomon Islands for the next leg of their Diamond Jubilee Tour - the aim of which is to visit each of the Realms of the Commonwealth to celebrate the  jubilee of the current Head of State, Queen Elizabeth II.

It is a largely vainglorious mission, not least because the role of Head of State will likely not pass to the Queen’s successor.  The role is largely ornamental. That said, it’s important to our current monarch and I respect that and, as she is not able to attend all 54 member nations, the Queen has sent different members of her family on the tour to represent her.

I respect that a little less.

In any case, I am sure that, as her equerry arrived on the sinking land of the Solomon region, to be greeted by Melanesian tribe-folk in traditional dress, Her Majesty would her preferred that the world was not making comparisons to the topless pictures of her new daughter-in-law on her hols in France.

Because bizarre back-drop it certainly did provide.

What was more strange? The giggling of the Duchess as the bare-topped tribal women placed traditional wreaths around her neck, at exactly the moment she and her husband were suing for ‘grotesque’ invasion of privacy and seeking criminal charges against the photographer?

Or, the image of a sedated Duchess in high-necked, long-armed formal attire as she was carried on a throne by naked Melanesians, in such contrast to the bare-breasted bikini-bottomed girl rubbing sun-cream into her new husband’s back?

 

In parts of the Melanesian region, men went naked except for a penis sheath made from the gourd of a vine and greeted eachother by rubbing each other's groin region. Now the laplap, wrapped around the waist or the armpits to cover the body is generally worn. In certain areas, women still prefer not to wear any covering on their upper body, as we saw in many pictures this week.

They prefer to not wear any covering. And so they don’t. Not even when, the chances are, they will be on the front pages of national papers around the world. The Duchess had much to discuss with these ladies.

So, how wonderful this tour could have been, given the Duchess relatively relaxed attitude to clothing and body, surely the most relaxed of any so close in line to the throne. What if the Duke and Duchess had taken the opportunity to step off that plane wearing nothing more than a penis sheath, and a folded laplap? To have performed a brief ceremonial groin rub and shown true respect for the indiginous culture of one of the members of our former empire!

Instead, the tour lacked authenticity, even more than it did at the start.